Our Least Favorite Things People Do in Our Favorite Places

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:44:06 +0100

1. Never tell a stranger to smile. This is a rule that should be obeyed by New Yorkers and visitors alike. If you see someone making her way down a tree-lined street in the East-Village, do not interrupt her train of thought with a rude obnoxious remark like, “hey there, you’d look much prettier with a smile on your face.” Since for all you know she was in a perfectly fine mood before your thoughtless comment, the only thing this will accomplish is making her think, “well you would look better with my Jeffrey Campbell shoe in your face.”

1. Don’t be a kind stranger. Believe it or not, most people don’t want to know you exist (i.e. unless the situation involves serious bodily harm, don’t talk to me). This is especially true of what you may percieve as a wardrobe malfunction. If a woman’s underbun is sneaking out of her running shorts or disco-hot pants, the exposure is probably intentional, and you need to just deal with it and withhold from motherly comments.

1. Don’t be a dressing room commentator. If you find yourself browsing the racks of lovely dresses at a cozy New York boutique like Pinky Otto or Wink, and another shopper is trying on a garment, your opinion is not appreciated unless invited.

1. Don’t stink. If you smell bad, don’t come to Michele’s Thursday night Pilates class at Crunch on Lafayette. It’s a once-weekly luxury that should not be polluted. Hit the showers instead. Also, don’t run in and reserve your spot by throwing down your towel before getting your mat. You learned this in Kindergarten. Wait your turn.

1. Don’t touch me. In a dark crowded chic bar like Madame Geneva’s or Bubble Lounge, there is no excuse to caress the small of a woman’s back. Pretend all you want that it was an innocent nudge, but we all know that’s sex territory. If you really need to get through just say excuse me. If she doesn’t hear you, say it again. If she still doesn’t hear you, just say, “move.” She’s a New Yorker. We’re used to it.

1. Don’t shit where you eat. I mean really. Many New York restaurants are, well, tiny. At a place like Dirt Candy, where you have to make reservations even on a Tuesday night to get one of 7 tables, don’t discuss your toxic personal issues loudly enough for other patrons to hear. They have their own problems and are temporarily trying to escape with a delicious, healthy meal.

These are just a few suggestions, but as a general rule in New York, the commonly held sentiment is...stay out of my life.

Written by Skye Monson and Susan Giovanoni. Skye works for The Cisneros Collection and Susan is the associate manager of Pookie and Sabastian.

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Our Least Favorite Things People Do in Our Favorite Places